Looking towards the new “me”

I can’t believe how much my life has changed in the last month. I have reached one of my new years resolutions & slowly working on the other. I can’t believe I’ve lost 8 lbs (which is great I know) and now I’m pregnant and will gain it back!! According to my personal trainer – “M”, I should be fine with continuing to loose weight and have a healthy baby. I just don’t want my pregnancy this time to be like it was last time where I gained 45lbs, cuz gaining that on top of what I weigh now I’ll just be miserable!! I think with me getting pregnant at the beginning of the year when it’s still cool outside helps, as well as the gym membership for when it gets too hot to be outside walking 🙂 I’m sure I’ll be just fine this time, it’s just something I worry about!

I can’t wait to start taking weekly/monthly tummy pics (altho I’m not so sure about posting those anywhere public.. hehe) and one of my girlfriends said that she would take belly pics (I want some that I can frame that look artsy) once I get further along.. I just hope we can airbrush out the stretch marks! haha!!

well, I should really be cleaning, so I’m off for now.. I’m sure I’ll ramble on some more when I have a little bit of time.

TTFN!

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February 24, 2007. Life. Leave a comment.

I still can’t get my head around this..

Ya know, I was soo incredibly excited on Monday, and here we are approaching Thursday and I still can’t quite believe that there was a pretty little pink plus on the pregnancy test.

I still have the test sitting on the computer desk in the bedroom (I’m not sure why I still have it, maybe deep down inside I’m hoping that if I keep looking at it I will believe it) and every time I go to work at the computer I have to check it, just incase it’s changed. I think I was soo frustrated with the meds, Rick & just the whole process that this is really a shock that it did actually happen. I have tried to remember everything that I’ve done this month to make sure that I’ve not done anything that would’ve harmed the baby. Really I have been soo restricted with my meds etc, that I have done everything right.

I am now slowly starting to let reality sink in and the more and more I think about it, I start to worry. What if we’re faced with medical problems like we were with Missy?? What if this time it’s something worse than we dealt with last time?? I know this time around I will be home full time, and not having to put the baby into day care so that factor of colds etc is dropped a little and then I feel guilty as I didn’t spend the first 10 months at home with Missy.

I have tried to talk to her about us having a baby, I know we’ve been talking about having another baby with her but I think she just thinks we’re talking. I don’t think she understands that this is a reality that in 9 months we’ll be bringing her brother or sister home with us. I’m excited for this new chapter in our lives to start and for us to raise another beautiful little boy or little girl, but I’m also wondering how well my mama’s girl will handle mama being with someone else most of the time, especially if I breast feed. I’m sure she’ll sail thru this just like she did with school – I remember being soo worried about how she’d do with out me being there and she was just fine with that.

I think once I’ve had my first ultrasound (which is scheduled for March 7th) and I have seen Dr. W, it will all start to feel more real, and maybe most of these “worries” will go away.

Well, I’m pooped, this kid is slowly draining my soul!!

I’ll post more when I get a chance.

TTFN

February 21, 2007. baby. Leave a comment.

OMG.. THE MEDS WORKED!!

Look!! We’re Pregnant!! After 2 years of trying.. we finally did it!

February 19, 2007. TTC. Leave a comment.

Looking back at this past weekend

Yesterday we trucked off to Disney (I know… we should live there) and had dinner with Pooh & friends. I have to say that I prefered eating with Mickey in Epcot, but I think Michaela enjoyed herself all the same. She did ask tho “When’s Mickey coming by”, which was kinda funny! We stayed to see the “Spectromagic” parade and the firework display. It made for a nice afternoon, even tho it was super chilly and we all froze! Well, maybe I should rephrase that, Rick & I froze, Michaela stayed nice and warm bundled up in her stroller with a blanket, gloves and a thick jacket! We didn’t get home until 11:30pm and we all crashed pretty much as we walked thru the door – Michaela had fallen asleep before we had even pulled out of the Magic Kingdom’s parking lot poor thing!

Friday Michaela and I spent a lazy day together, we watched movies and she took care of me while I tried to recover from this nasty sinus infection and tonsillitis. I hate being sick like that! Especially when it seems like our pace isn’t slowing down any for me to rest. I must say Rick has been an absoulte gem this week and has let me have a little nap every nite when he’s come home cuz I’ve been soo out of it. I’m hoping this coming week I can get back into the swing of every day life (laundry, cleaning etc has piled up) and I won’t be soo forgetful!!

Now spring right back to today. We really haven’t done much, I’ve done the laundry (yay for me!) and played about with my “myspace”. It’s amazing the time I’ve spent on there! Tat laughed when I said I didn’t want one, and then I decided that I’d finally create my page and actually use it! I’ve found a few of my friends from back in England that I honestly had lost touch with. It’s amazing how different our lives are now and that it’s still kinda easy to “chat” with them even tho I haven’t talked to them in almost 11 years! I’m sure there will be a lot of “catching up” to do, but it’s nice to make those connections again. My life from “another world” as you may think.

Well, the dryer just buzzed so I guess that’s my signal to go and leave the computer alone!!

TTFN.

February 18, 2007. Random Gabbings. Leave a comment.

Emotional

Well, I seriously suck when it comes to posting in my blog!!

I have to say that the past couple of weeks have been an emotional few. As you know I have been taking Metformin for the past month and I have been hoping that this would be the end of our issues with getting pregnant.

Boy was I wrong! Not only do I feel like crap most days, but I still don’t have a period! It was due a week ago -I’ve taken 3 pregnancy tests which are all negative -and I still have no signs of one and I’m still plugging away at taking the meds.

I have met a wonderful woman thru one of my message boards who is taking the same meds as me and she has been a wonderful support thru the whole feeling like crap and now this no sign of a period. She completely understands how I feel and the side effects from these meds. I don’t know if my other friends seriously understand as much as she does.

I’m getting really upset with this whole trying to get pregnant thing. How come it’s soo easy for a friend of mine who wasn’t really trying and was worried about what her hubby would say to just “get pregnant” and it’s taking Rick and I so long and now having to take meds on top of it! I am to the point where I just want to give up, which I know sucks, cuz I shouldn’t just throw in the towel a month after I have started these meds, when I know it could take these meds up to a couple of months to regulate everything. I guess I was just thinking that I would take these meds and *poof* it would all be back to normal. I’m even busting my ass at the gym to help with everything, which I am seeing the results of – I’ve lost 6lbs- but it’s just depressing to think that I’m doing all of this work (which really the weight needed to come off anyways) and I’m not getting what I’m working for.

After getting the 3 negative results with the pregnancy tests, I have really started looking into the adoption or fostering thing. I think Rick thinks that I’m nuts and I worry over nothing, it’s just that I’m not ready to give up with raising children. I know he wants only 2 of our own and then maybe down the road look into having foster children etc. But the thing with that is I’m only 25, who said I’m ready to stop having children after this next one? Maybe if I was 33 or something, but holy cow I have quite a few years still to have more children.

I guess I’m letting all of this get to me and the stress is probably not good for my body either – that’s probably what’s making my period even later- but I’m just worried that I’ll never get pregnant again and I soo don’t want to give up that hope for that little miracle of us bringing a new life into our family.

I think I’m not going to say anything more about it to my friends or our family as I don’t want that pressure and just see how things pan out from here. Maybe take all of the pressures off of myself and just go with the flow.

I just wish Rick would get a little excited about us having a baby. I’m sure he’s enjoying the sex.. but that’s not just part of it. I guess he’ll get excited once I finally come out of the bathroom with a positive pregnancy test.

Anywho.. I should probably go and get something done. I’ve been sick this past week and our house looks like a tornado came thru it!

Thanks for listening!!

Me

February 16, 2007. TTC. Leave a comment.