Emotional

Well, I seriously suck when it comes to posting in my blog!!

I have to say that the past couple of weeks have been an emotional few. As you know I have been taking Metformin for the past month and I have been hoping that this would be the end of our issues with getting pregnant.

Boy was I wrong! Not only do I feel like crap most days, but I still don’t have a period! It was due a week ago -I’ve taken 3 pregnancy tests which are all negative -and I still have no signs of one and I’m still plugging away at taking the meds.

I have met a wonderful woman thru one of my message boards who is taking the same meds as me and she has been a wonderful support thru the whole feeling like crap and now this no sign of a period. She completely understands how I feel and the side effects from these meds. I don’t know if my other friends seriously understand as much as she does.

I’m getting really upset with this whole trying to get pregnant thing. How come it’s soo easy for a friend of mine who wasn’t really trying and was worried about what her hubby would say to just “get pregnant” and it’s taking Rick and I so long and now having to take meds on top of it! I am to the point where I just want to give up, which I know sucks, cuz I shouldn’t just throw in the towel a month after I have started these meds, when I know it could take these meds up to a couple of months to regulate everything. I guess I was just thinking that I would take these meds and *poof* it would all be back to normal. I’m even busting my ass at the gym to help with everything, which I am seeing the results of – I’ve lost 6lbs- but it’s just depressing to think that I’m doing all of this work (which really the weight needed to come off anyways) and I’m not getting what I’m working for.

After getting the 3 negative results with the pregnancy tests, I have really started looking into the adoption or fostering thing. I think Rick thinks that I’m nuts and I worry over nothing, it’s just that I’m not ready to give up with raising children. I know he wants only 2 of our own and then maybe down the road look into having foster children etc. But the thing with that is I’m only 25, who said I’m ready to stop having children after this next one? Maybe if I was 33 or something, but holy cow I have quite a few years still to have more children.

I guess I’m letting all of this get to me and the stress is probably not good for my body either – that’s probably what’s making my period even later- but I’m just worried that I’ll never get pregnant again and I soo don’t want to give up that hope for that little miracle of us bringing a new life into our family.

I think I’m not going to say anything more about it to my friends or our family as I don’t want that pressure and just see how things pan out from here. Maybe take all of the pressures off of myself and just go with the flow.

I just wish Rick would get a little excited about us having a baby. I’m sure he’s enjoying the sex.. but that’s not just part of it. I guess he’ll get excited once I finally come out of the bathroom with a positive pregnancy test.

Anywho.. I should probably go and get something done. I’ve been sick this past week and our house looks like a tornado came thru it!

Thanks for listening!!

Me

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February 16, 2007. TTC.

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