I still can’t get my head around this..

Ya know, I was soo incredibly excited on Monday, and here we are approaching Thursday and I still can’t quite believe that there was a pretty little pink plus on the pregnancy test.

I still have the test sitting on the computer desk in the bedroom (I’m not sure why I still have it, maybe deep down inside I’m hoping that if I keep looking at it I will believe it) and every time I go to work at the computer I have to check it, just incase it’s changed. I think I was soo frustrated with the meds, Rick & just the whole process that this is really a shock that it did actually happen. I have tried to remember everything that I’ve done this month to make sure that I’ve not done anything that would’ve harmed the baby. Really I have been soo restricted with my meds etc, that I have done everything right.

I am now slowly starting to let reality sink in and the more and more I think about it, I start to worry. What if we’re faced with medical problems like we were with Missy?? What if this time it’s something worse than we dealt with last time?? I know this time around I will be home full time, and not having to put the baby into day care so that factor of colds etc is dropped a little and then I feel guilty as I didn’t spend the first 10 months at home with Missy.

I have tried to talk to her about us having a baby, I know we’ve been talking about having another baby with her but I think she just thinks we’re talking. I don’t think she understands that this is a reality that in 9 months we’ll be bringing her brother or sister home with us. I’m excited for this new chapter in our lives to start and for us to raise another beautiful little boy or little girl, but I’m also wondering how well my mama’s girl will handle mama being with someone else most of the time, especially if I breast feed. I’m sure she’ll sail thru this just like she did with school – I remember being soo worried about how she’d do with out me being there and she was just fine with that.

I think once I’ve had my first ultrasound (which is scheduled for March 7th) and I have seen Dr. W, it will all start to feel more real, and maybe most of these “worries” will go away.

Well, I’m pooped, this kid is slowly draining my soul!!

I’ll post more when I get a chance.

TTFN

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February 21, 2007. baby.

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